


A Coward's Way Out

by arkhamsjason



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst with an Open Ending, Gen, Mild Gore, it's very light gore actually but better safe than sorry, jason has regrets and tim is scared for his brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22771966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkhamsjason/pseuds/arkhamsjason
Summary: There are many things he should have said to Tim a long time ago. "Sorry" being at the top of the list.But Jason never knew how, and now he's left to wonder if it would've mattered anyway.He tried being a good brother. He did. But failure keeps following him wherever he goes and there's no fighting anymore.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 6
Kudos: 112





	A Coward's Way Out

**Author's Note:**

> Again, written on the bus omw to work. I was inspired by that panel of Tim and Jason against the Joker, but instead of good old bonding and fluff, I ended up with this. 
> 
> You can find me on twitter @arkhamsjason

"Shouldn't I be the one doing this?" Jason asks, but he's dropping more of his weight on Tim anyway. 

"What, carry us both out? You? Really?" Tim laughs, the sound wet with blood. Jason wants to check the extent of his injuries, but he can't see past his own blood running down his face, a deep gash across his left eye. 

"Yeah, as an older brother and all that shit." 

They have been walking for some time now, although Jason can’t tell if it’s been minutes or hours, he only knows the distance by how heavily his feet have been dragging on the ground. Tim holding back groans of pain of his own. 

Wherever they are going, the road has become more steep beneath Jason's feet. Asphalt giving away to soil.

"I'm sorry, but you need more than just age to be a proper older brother, Jay," Tim says, his breath coming out more ragged with each step, having to support both their weights plus his own wounds on a road that apparently only leads up. 

"Like what? Grayson doesn't look like he has much else." He can at least keep Tim talking. Distracted from Jason's blood leaving a trail behind them and a fog that's getting thicker in his mind. 

"Responsibility." Tim tells him.

Jason laughs, or tries to. Tries because he starts coughing, deep, watery sounds that has his whole upper body spasming with the force of it. He tastes iron and acid, spitting something that he can't make out. 

He didn't realize -- he didn’t even feel -- distracted as he was by his lungs tearing themselves apart, that he had taken Tim down with him, the ground now under his back instead of his unstable feet. 

"--ay? Jay?" 

There are hands shaking his shoulders. Urgency in his ears. 

Jason forces his eye back open -- when had he even closed it? -- but it doesn't make much difference. He knows his left one is done for, but he expected at least his right side to work. Even if a little. 

"Jason!" 

Jason comes back to with a startle, more blood coming out of his mouth. Tim helps him roll to his side so he won't choke on it. 

"--fine. 'm fine," Jason tries to say, but he's not sure he's managed because his shoulders are still shaking where Tim holds him and maybe he’s convulsing, his body not longer holding itself together and-- wait. No. That's just Tim's own hands. 

Jason tries to find his brother’s face above him, to reassure him that everything is going to be all right, that Jason is all right. He knows lying is all he can do right now. But it's too dark to see. Or maybe that's just him. 

"Why don't--" Tim takes a shaky breath and Jason frowns. A moment of clarity in his head and _ah_ , so that's it. It's not Tim who's shaking but the world around them. The ground and the skies. The trees, the very air that they are barely breathing. Because Tim has always been steady, the most steady of them all, even Bruce, so it makes no sense that his hands, his voice and body would be so out of control. "Jay?" 

Jason turns his head in Tim's direction, or what he hopes is where Tim's lying beside him. "Hm?"

"I said we should rest here a little."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good." Sounds perfect, actually. Jason has completely lost any feeling in his left leg a while ago, and his left hand, alongside most of his left side, if he's being honest, is going numb, tingling at the tip of his fingers. 

He's not an idiot. Despite what everyone thinks and says, he holds himself smarter than they’ll ever know. Then he’ll ever let them know. He knows exactly in what state his body is and the chances, or lack of, of him-- 

Well. 

"Timmy?" He calls. When was the last time Jason called him that? He can't remember. He should've done it more often. 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm sorry." Another thing he should've said a long time ago. But he's Jason, and he's never done anything right in his life. He can't even die properly, the universe dragging him back from beneath only to shove him under over and over and over and--

"What for?" He can't see, but he feels Tim moving next to him, to his right, because his left has become dead weight. 

"I just..." Where does he even start? _'I'm sorry for not being a good brother'_ or _'I'm sorry for treating you so ugly and ruthlessly when I was blinded by my own pain and anger'_ and even _'I'm sorry for disappointing you'._ All of them would be true. None of them sound right. _'I'm sorry for dying'_. "There are many things I should have said a long time ago. Apologies and compliments, both, but..." 

"Jay?" There's something wrong with the way Tim says his name. Something off about it, a tone that does not belong. Jason has half a mind to recognize it as fear. "I don't like the way you're talking right now." 

"It's all right, Timmy," see? More lies. "I think the truth is that I was a coward. Making excuse after excuse. You were too busy for that conversation, we were in the middle of a fight, too good a day to ruin with bad memories... Just more and more excuses, but I know that I was too afraid of losing you. Losing my family." 

"I wouldn't have turned my back on you, Jay".

"Yeah," his eye feels so heavy, eyelids dropping to his cheek against his will, pulled by a force he can no longer control. "I know."

In the distance he hears a jet approaching, but it’s too far.

Too far and too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3 Comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
